Dwight heard the water pouring into my glass and decided there had been one too many "glugs" for his liking. Apparently we were in the middle of Africa during a drought and I had been abusing my rations.
"What do you think you're doing?" Dwight asked with annoyance in his voice. "Aren't you going to leave some water for everyone else?"
I immediately stopped pouring water into my glass, but the water cooler continued to glug as if it was mocking me. If I had been on top of my game, I would have replied with something witty. Or perhaps I would have answered his question with another question like, "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?" but I wasn't fed up enough with Dwight's antics to bark back at him like that.
In real life, Dwight is Michael's older brother. As you already know, Michael runs the show and it's quite obvious that Dwight was just given a title in the company to feed his cravings for authority over others. It's not uncommon to look behind your shoulder only to find that Dwight has been standing behind you, hands on his hips, monitoring your activities for who knows how long. I've counteracted this by strategically placing a mirror on my cubicle wall that allows me to see him sneaking up. This isn't the light footsteps kind of sneaking up either, Dwight feels that a more stealthy approach is necessary. There's the "Pop up from around the corner" as well as the "Pretend to check the mail" but my absolute favorite is the "Hide behind the Christmas Tree."
This time, water glass in hand, Dwight had caught me in his snare. He was the one assigned to monitor the water cooler and he was obsessed with the task. I was speechless and gave him the "deer in the headlights look." Dwight pushed his glasses up high on his nose, placed his hands on his hips and smiled a smug smile. He had won, this time. Normally when Dwight has you in his trap, he'll continue to poke and prod at you like a little boy who tears the wings off of a fly just for fun. Instead Michael interrupted the Water Nazi, "Get ready to have a sales meeting in ten minutes, we'll meet in the conference room."
I was saved, Dwight would have to wait until another time to rip into my appendages. The four of us responsible for sales settled in the conference room. Dwight sat next to Michael, Andy and I took up the other side of the table. My first sales meeting, this was exciting!
The excitement was short lived once I realized that sales meeting was synonymous with "Listening to Michael talk for an hour just to hear the sound of his own voice." At the end of Michael's speech he made an announcement. "Tonight, we will have a booth at the local Chamber of Commerce business expo and I would like all of you to make an appearance."
"Right-o," chimed in Andy who always had to be first. Dwight also nodded in agreement.
"And I'd like you to come too Amanda, just so you can get a feel for how everything works."
It was a good thing this was my only evening off from working at the restaurant, so I agreed to be there. The event started at 7:00 which gave me enough time to go home, change clothes and drive to the fairgrounds where the business expo was being held. Of course, life always has it's own plans. I got home to find that my dog had taken his aggression out on my carpets and I had a large mess to clean up. Of course, when a dog-owner comes home to see that her pup has eaten through three pairs of Birkenstocks (apparently he had a cork fetish) and two pairs of pants, it's usually a sign that the dog needs to get out and have some stimulation. I didn't blame the guy, he was living in the same shitty one-bedroom apartment as I was, so I took him for a nice long walk.
When I got back, I realized it was already 8 o'clock so I frantically changed clothes and headed to the business expo. I arrived to find Michael sitting in a fold up chair in our booth, his chin resting on his chest with a plastic cup of red wine in his hand. Michael looked up at me with his bloodshot eyes. "Oh...*hic*...you made it," he slurred.
Michael was drunk. He stood up and placed his hand on my shoulder for what I assumed was keeping his balance. "Do you know wh-what? You're the only person....that even....showed up."
I was relieved to hear this since I was over an hour and a half late. Where was the over-achieving Dwight? What about the do-gooder Andy? Why did I always find myself in these positions? I didn't want to seem like the one in the office who was kissing ass, if I had known that my other coworkers weren't going to show up I would have stayed in my apartment and enjoyed my only evening off.
"And you changed clothes too," Michael noted. Then he looked me over and said, "Those pants look really good on you, they make your butt look good."
Years of bartending told me the red wine had definitely taken it's affect on Michael. I made a mental note to buy a recording device as soon as possible. Obviously I had the upper hand here, I knew exactly how to deal with a drunk man; take charge and don't ask permission. "Well Michael, I'm going to go around and introduce myself to a few of these business owners."
"I'll come with you," all of Michael's words were running together.
"No," I replied, "you should stay here, someone has to watch the booth."
He agreed and sat back down with a relaxed smile on his face. I pretended to walk around and introduce myself, but what was I supposed to say? I had no business card, heck, this was my second day on the job, I barely knew what my job description was. I walked around each booth casually and pretended to give a damn about what all of these people were selling. As soon as I was out of Michael's peripherals, I bolted out of there and walked briskly to my car. I would spend the night thinking about an excuse for Michael the next morning, but for now the work day was over.
No comments:
Post a Comment